Untitled
by Rikki Aiken
Summary: You're in love. But being loved back is overrated, right? PPDM OneShot


Its always an odd thing, being in love. Especially when that person doesn't feel the same way.

You think you've finally got over him. Finally, after months of suffering, months of nights crying yourself to sleep of thoughts of the one you can never have, months of torture, pain, anguish. Its summer, and he probably won't be in any of your classes next year. He's old news, he's so five minutes ago... he's over.

And then? You see him.

Just once. He doesn't talk to you. He doesn't look at you. He doesn't realize you're there, among the hundreds of people around you. But you see him. Oh, do you see him.

His hair got longer over the summer. Its the same color, but it suits him so much better. You thought he was perfect before... but now, he's not even an 11. He's a 12. That's the only thing that's changed, but to you, he looks like salvation. A drink of water after a jog in the ninety degree weather. Something to eat after a day of hunger. Happiness. Your breath catches in your throat. Your heart literally stops beating. Your mouth is dry. You begin to sweat. It is, at the same time, the most excruciating and the most blissful second of your life.

And just like that, its over. He never looked at you. He kept walking on by. The moment has passed, and its another 3 weeks until you even have the chance of seeing him again.

You ask yourself every day... why bother? He will NEVER love you, like you, or want you in any way, shape, or form. The closest you'll ever get is him asking you to help him with his homework or something. But if he's anything, he's a flirt.

He KNOWS you like him. He tortured you every day in school. He held your hand, put his arm around you, layed his head on your shoulder, picked you up and spun you around, whispered 'I Love You' in your ear, went out of his way to sit close to you. You acted like he wasn't worthy to be the mud on the bottom of your shoe, like you hated him and wanted nothing more than to run as far as possible.

But, really. You know you loved it. You shivered everytime he touched you in the slightest way. You danced around your room when you found out his girlfriend dumped him. You cheered inside when he started sitting behind you in History of Magic, and talked to you constantly. (You didn't do so well that semester.)

You went to bed that night, plagued with thoughts of his face and hopes and dreams of what you wanted to happen. You were laughing along with your flashback of what happened that day. Everytime he touched you that day, you tingled in that spot. Everytime he smiled, you grinned like there was no tomorrow.

Everytime he said 'I Love You,' you shed a few tears.

You sobbed into your pilllow as hard as you could. Your mind was filled with thoughts of the other girls he hugged that day, the other girls he held hands with, the other girls he told he loved. You knew he flirted with the ugly girls to be funny.

But you were different, right? That's what your heart tried to tell you. "Who do you like the best?" Your friends would ask that laughing. "Oh, definitely Parvati," he would say with a grin. "I love her." You wished those words were true more than anything. You would give up your legs, your hearing, your sight, and probably your life for that to be true for one second.

But then the bell would ring, and you'd watch him in the hallway, hugging all the other girls. You saw red instantly. He was YOUR man. No one elses. No one could ever love him like you did. No one would ever feel like you did about this boy (more like man) who was so charming, so funny, so inadvertently smart, and so cheerful. You loved him more than life itself.

It wasn't like he knew you existed. In class, he'd call you his girlfriend, his rock, the love of his life. But in the hallway, he never even looked at you.

Except for that one time. Do you remember? You should. You were standing in the hallway, waiting for Lavender to come so you could go to your dorm. He came over to you out of nowhere, and said "Are you leaving?" You said yes, and he said "I'll miss you. I'll be counting the seconds until tomorrow comes so I can see you again." He grabbed you and hugged you, hard. You relaxed into the embrace, and noticed everything about that moment. His hair, his shirt, his pants, the way he smelled, the way he held you... like a porcelain doll; hard enough to keep from falling, but not hard enough to break. Everything about that one moment in time was perfect. He let go, smiled, and left. You looked around quickly, to see if anyone was around. There was no one. Your knees buckled and you fell to the ground. You sat there for at least a minute before collecting yourself and getting up, just in time for Lavender to come around the corner. You went up to your dorm.

That night, you cried harder than you ever have in your life.

Ha. And you thought you got over him? Please. I bet you're sitting there, crying, like the pathetic baby you are, wishing you could change something about your past that might make him like you. You wish you spent more time on your hair that day when Pansy snapped a picture of him with his arm around you. You were looking away, but you would cry everytime you saw that picture. You wish you were popular, like the girls he dated.

And then, stupid logical Hermione had to tell you all about him.

"He drinks, Parvati. All the time. He smokes, too. He gets high and drunk every day. He brings alcohol to class, for God's sake. He's bad, Parvati. He's bad news. I don't see how you can find him cute."

That's right. Cute. All my friends knew you thought he was cute, but they had no idea how you practically obsessed over him.

Who cares if he was bad? You liked them bad better, right? Bad is hot. Boy, you had it bad, didn't you?

Had? Yeah, right. You still have it bad. You long for the days where he would talk to you, hold you, 'love' you. Memories always drive you crazy.

Isn't it funny how one look at someone you haven't seen in two months can make you insane?

You love him, Parvati. You love Draco Malfoy, and there's nothing you can do about it.

A/N: This story was originally written in first person, and not for fanfiction. It was written personally by me about my life and my situation. The only things that have changed were the names of peoples and classes, and the whole dorm thing. I cried several times while writing this, so please don't be brutal.


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